did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
