I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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