broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
