Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
