She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
