If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
