Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
