i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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