so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
