last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
