I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
