My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
