I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
