we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
