she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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