I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
