what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We need to get me chipped asap
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
