The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
