Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
