Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
