We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
