am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
