He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
