It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
