plz talk dirty to me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
