I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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