You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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