I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
