I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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