I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
