i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I deserve this hangover.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
