JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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