Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
