Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
