I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
