My sheets look like a crime scene.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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