I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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