I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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