there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's get the cat blown out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
