the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Terrible idea I love it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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