I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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