I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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