it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
