took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
