I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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