hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
