WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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