my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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