If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
where are my eyebrows?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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