Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
