Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
