Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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