So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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