haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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