being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
