happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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