we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
