You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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