Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
