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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
