i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
