the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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