he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
