I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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