Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
