Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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