i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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