I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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