i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just high enough for therapy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need to calm my uterus...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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