I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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