I just pynch a tree in the face
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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